Scared

The time is 3.03am. I don’t know why, I feel so scared all of a sudden. As I lay in my bed, filled with trepidation nearing tears, I heard the door opening. My brother’s coming home. I felt a relief and rush to open the door. But things fell and blocked the pathway of my room’s door. I felt really scared. Scared that I’ll be stuck there forever and no one will be bothered with me. I don’t know why I just feel so scared, so scared that I want to cry. I’m so scared I just feel like shouting out loud for someone to open the door for me. I’m scared everyone will leave me, no one will want me. I’m scared I’m not good enough. Just when I’m feeling scared, my handphone rings. Haha… Annie sent me a msg asking about the iris reports from the holistic fair. I felt much better. Like there are still people around and I’m not alone. Seeing my brother in the living room, with my dog prancing around, I felt much better. I’m not alone.

But alone in the room, I still feel so scared. Lately, I just want to do things my way. I don’t care about everything nor what people think. I just want to do it my way. Maybe I’m just afraid to sink back into depression. I’m scared of the feeling of being scared, and feeling rejected, feeling discarded. I’m scared… I’m really scared… I’m so scared of the night, being alone in my room…

Maybe after posting this I’ll calm down. ^_^