It's Year 2008

Today's 1st Jan 2008. Feels weird even as I write down this date. 2008 had seemed so long into the future, and before I know it, it's today onwards. I'm currently in the midst of tidying and sorta revamping my room, clearing out all the things of the past to move on to the future. As I take down the picture of my 'once so wanted' Mazda RX 8, I suddenly realize I didn't really want that. The house I want, the car I want, they're impt, yet not as impt as I thought they were. And actually I didn't really like Mazda RX 8. Haha... Maybe when one is feeling empty, one will use material needs as goals to satisfy oneself. I once said to a friend, "I love money, because money will never disappoint a person. I work hard, I earn more. I work less, I earn less. Not like people." Keke... Something in that line la. Now, I can't believe I was so... loveless. I must have been overly disappointed by too many people in my life to turn me into such a person. But yeah. I guess... I had been a very sociable person in the past few years. WBG helped me step out of my comfort zone, and helped me become who I wanted to be step by step.

I was definitely not the happiest person, nor do I feel lucky at all in the past. It had been difficult being me. My family seems to think that girls have to do household chores, and the eldest is to be blame for everything that goes wrong. And guess what? I suck and dislike doing household chores, and I'm the eldest. It was terribly difficult to communicate with my family, and during my adoloscent years, I kinda hated them. I love reading books and watching tv. I always fantasize of having a prince charming to save me out of my pathetic life. I finally met one when I was 17. And I thought, he was The One. I failed badly in that relationship, and stumbled into depression. I was suicidal at that point of time. I thought, I had nothing. Nothing worth living for. Even the dream of my prince charming was shattered. There's no one coming to save me anymore. During then, I got into WBG.

Life wasn't perfect when I was there then too. WBG helped in providing me a venue of friends, self help seminars, book recommendations, business to take my mind off human relationships and learning to manage human relationships. It took me years to get out of my depression, and I still hadn't before I met Melvin. But I LOVE being the spark of people's life. I love to be thought of as a cheerful person, so I took on that persona. It helped. At least people around me become happier. I went to many seminars, read many books, achieve (and failed) many things, and finally I learnt to love myself.

Many people tell me, it's difficult to love myself because I have so many this and that bad attributes. And yes. Truthfully speaking, it is difficult. But instead of giving yourself so many so many reasons of why you shouldn't love yourself, why not find ways to start loving yourself? I was once ugly, and had skin problems since I was 11. My family tells me how ugly I am almost everyday. Once I finally garnered my courage to learn chinese dance, one of the students there said how can I have skin problems at such a age when she didn't even have when she's older than me (I stopped going after that). I was upset that I was ugly and everyone says I am. So, I decided to become pretty. I learnt to put on contact lenses. I learnt to use make up. At age 21, I went for a makeover that costs almost $400 (I paid half of it coz I told my dad that it's $200). I hang my beautiful pictures in my room. I find ways to make myself pretty and love myself. And damn! It's hard. But... shouldn't we do that? We go all out to tell others how to live their lives, but what about us? Do we ever put the effort on ourselves too? Too many people are pressurized and traumatized in life because of how they try to live up to OTHER people's standards. If we can only spend the time we criticize others or ourselves on thinking about what we want and finding ways to make us happier, we will then be happier.

Today, on 1st Jan 08, I'm glad. Because I know, I'm not a perfect person. I know I failed in many things and gave up on many things before today. But it doesn't matter. Because each step I take, each err I made, it made me who I am and what I'll become. And you know what? I really adore myself. Do you?

These are the things I did in 2007

Things I conquered:
1) Finished my Final Year Project (it was hell!)
2) Completed my SMU education (filled with so many challenges. I'm so glad it's over)
3) Lost my dog in a car accident (totally devastating... I cried even months after that)
4) Let go of my previous relationship and crushes (one MUST let go to receive. It's difficult, but it makes you much happier after that)
5) Faced my dad's bad attitude (and still facing. Keke.. Prob he's having menopause la)
6) Went to job interviews (oooo.... It's so scary. Dunno why I'm just so afraid of interviews. I can do anything but that!)
7) Meet someone I fear so much that I get diarrhea for the whole day (and end up falling in love with him)
8) Saw WBG changed so much (was rather upsetting at first, but now I think it's for the better good.)
9) Bringing my boyfriend home to meet the parents, and meeting his parents
10) Go on my first overseas trip with my boyfriend to Port Dickson without bringing a book (so scary... I was so scared we had nothing in common to talk about! How to spend 48 hours with a guy you just got together with? What if he was angry with me and just leave me behind??? And we didn't even know how to get there in the first place!)

Things I achieved:
1) WBG's B Team Emcee (too bad no more scs le)
2) Engaged as an Emcee outside of WBG
3) Got a new current BOYFRIEND who loves me to smitthering bits! (and I simply love~~~~~ him so so much!!)
4) Applied for my first house! (haven't gotten it yet. But doesn't matter. We'll get it soon)
5) Got my first Permanent Job and earned my first salary! (And it's a job I enjoy~)
6) Went on Superstar Virgo with Melvin (my dream vacation~~)
7) Slept on a four poster bed
8) Spent my first christmas with Melvin (and we went on a date!)
9) Went to POV - a course which costs $1000+! It's record high most expensive course I ever attended.
10) Really love myself (all the good and bad. Yah. So melvin, You love me coz I'm clumsy too! Hee~)

New Year Resolutions:
1) Earn more than $3000 per month
2) Get a 4-room flat with Melvin, and paying half of it
3) Give myself a monthly allowance of $350 and save the rest
4) Punctual
5) Get my driving license
6) Go to POV with Melvin
7) Tell Melvin I love him everyday and make sure he tells me too. (keke.. Jus kidding. I can't help writing it down~!)

This is a brand new year, and I'm sure it's a great new beginning for everyone. I'm really thankful to all who helped made me who I am today. And Melvin, I love you. ^_^

Tip of the day: If you want a great relationship, STOP lying to yourself. Face yourself, love yourself. And you will then receive. No one really thinks career is more impt than love. It is coz we are not sure if we are able to receive love that's why we feel this way. And ok la...I admit.. Love is more impt than money. But... I still love money! =P