Updates on my life 1

It’s been a really long time since my last entry, other than the jittery one. Ha.. I’ve been so terribly busy after my KL trip. Been through quite a lot of things, including the recent SCS. I must say, SCS really has changed a lot. It’s even better than before now. After being the Emcee for this SCS, my fire for WBG has once again been reignited. Many a times, when we are down, we forget things that were once there for us.

Before SCS, I had many problems in life. I had very bad relationship problems with my ex-boyfriend, very bad family relationship, so bad that my dad will always want to chase me out of home. School was still quite ok, coz it was the only thing I had control over. That was what I thought then. Schoolwork helps to forget other things. I had very bad bad relationship with myself. In fact, I hated myself. I guess I was lost. I don’t know who am I, where was I, where I am heading. I don’t even know if I had a future. To me, I had lost it. I was suicidal, I wanted to die. All I can think of then, was how to kill myself. I drank, I club, I played games, I tried to live away from reality.

It was real weird that SCS just appeared out of no where then. XiaoJia brought Jerry, my ex-boyfriend to WBG, and introduced him to the business and to SCS. To tell the truth, I went WBG coz I’m worried about Xiaojia and Jerry. Haha.. They’re always meeting till late at night, I’m afraid that I’d lose him. SCS was like a gift from god, pulling me out of depression. I went through it, and finally realise that I do have a future, and that the world is worth living in. I met people who really cared, who were so great yet forgiving and accepting. They accepted me for who I am, loved me for who I am, and nurtured me into much more. Because of SCS, because of WBG, I get to love myself, I get to be on stage, a life long dream I always craved for. Because of WBG, I found honour in myself.

I had always regretted my relationship with Jerry. But because of him, because he brought me to SCS, I had the future that I am holding on to. For that, I’m really grateful to him. Grateful for the experience we had in the past, the mistakes I’ve learnt and grown from, the future that I found with WBG.

The 4 days in SCS reminded me once more, how many more people’s lives we’ve impacted. It doesn’t matter what capabilities we have now, we always have the abilities and capacity to give. No matter how little we contribute, people’s lives change.

Going Jittery again

He's coming tonight!!! I'm so nervous. Haha.. For those who don't understand what I'm saying, it's ok. I'll explain tonight.

For now, *Breathe in*

Ok! I'm ready! ^_^

Happy

Muahahaha~~~ My new tuition assignment is great! Good money, great parents, nice kid! I’m gonna stick to this kid for now and MJ’s. Think may not have time for the other kid. I’ve decided not to take too much tuition so that I can do free lance IT coaching and start working once I feel like it. Hehe… So after MJ’s back I’ll be free to do other things.

I think I’m really very money face. I was sick the whole day, but upon hearing the tuition assignment, my sickness is suddenly forgotten. Haha… I agreed immediately to go and teach at night. And in return, I got $40 for a trial lesson!!! Wow! Things are really going well lately.

I’ll be going to KL to attend Jason Shih’s seminar this Thurs. All of us from GSS are going, and this time a friend of mine is tagging along too. I’m sure it’ll be great fun. Hehe… Planning to stay there till Sunday. It’s been some time since I’ve gone overseas for a break. Hmm... Bout half a year bah. Hehe.. Still very long k… This time I’ll bring my cam along and take lots of pictures. Can’t wait for our KL trip!!! ^_^

Blabbering

Woke up feeling sick today. Phew. Was too rushed yesterday that I had to have a quick bite in between my tuition. But it turns out that the quick bite is probably a little spoilt, and at the same time, I ate the food too fast. Ended up having stomachache since last night. But oh well, I get to sleep for a longer time today. And, guess what?? I got a new tuition offer! Gonna go for a trial lesson later on. It’s good pay, and just above my aunt’s place. If I want, they can even send the kid over! What a good deal. Hee.. Even though I’ve not recovered yet, I feel excited just thinking about it. MONEY MONEY MONEY!!! Muahahaha.. I received my WBG cheque yesterday too.

But really thinking… Should I continue with free lance and tuition teaching? It’s like so busy, yet at the wrong timings. My tuitions are late in the evening. Like this, I won’t have time to be in WBG at night. Really need to reschedule my times.. Will be talking to a tuition kid’s mum about it, otherwise really don’t think I’m able to teach. But it’s fun teaching kids la. And they’re soooooooooooooo cute!

Boy Friends vs Boyfriends

Just thought this is an interesting topic to write about. Lately a friend seems to think that I am 重色轻友. Haha.. Don't worry, I'm not offended la. Just thinking about it so tot of writing about it.

Before I went JC, I had many friends but few good friends, and those good friends are all gals. Wanlin, Pan, Yuan, Xue, Jin, Yew Ee, etc etc. All gals. I couldn’t really communicate well with guys. But when I first went to Anderson JC, something just clicked in me. And I start communicating well with guys. I’ll go out with guy friends to movies etc, but my best friends are still girls. Then, in Nanyang JC, there are few gals in my class. I happen to click better with the guys, and so I had some good guy friends there. At that time, I wasn’t so sociable coz I had a boyfriend. Ahem. Spent most of my time with him rather than friends.

It seems like from then, I just click better with guys than gals. Probably coz I was worried bah. Worried that my boyfriend will fall for my gal friends. Haha… Well, in the end he did. *Power of Subconscious*

Then in WBG, though I had good gal friends there, I still prefer sticking to my guy friends. My guy friends are just like my boyfriends? Muahhaaha… They’ll kill me if I said so. Nah… They’ll probably say “ Yar….” And give me that look. Haha.. Some people might ask, why such a drastic change? From not really communicating with guys, to having good guy friends. Hmmm… Guess I’’m a person with a lot of issues to overcome. Perhaps coz I felt backstabbed by my girlfriend before, so I don’t trust women. But at the same time, I feel that all men are bad, even though my good frenz are guys. But please don’t quote me. Later every guywill start looking for me and tell me why not all men are bad. Haha.. Yes James, I understand. Not all men are bad. Haha..

My guy friends are probably more important than any boyfriend. They are not important than my girl friends of course. So definitely, I’m not 重色轻友. Ha.. I have good gal friends like Xueli, Wanlin, Pan and Zoe. I weigh people in a way, not of how long I’ve known them, but how much I treasure them. Sounds weird? I’ve not known Zoe for a long time, and met her very few times. But every time when I’m meeting her I’ll be so looking forward to it. I’m willing to help them with anything. When Wanlin quarrels with her boyfriend, just one word and I can go immediately to her, forgetting everything I have on hand. So how can I be重色轻友 right? My guy friends are really precious to me too. Because we’ve also gone through lots together, and they’re so willing to confide things in me and let me confide in them. They won’t be angry with me just because I said things in a fit of anger, or I throw my tantrums. Ok. They would, but we’ll make things up very quickly. Sigh. I won’t know what to do without my guy friends, like MJ, James, KL, and maybe Martin. But please don’t tell Martin that, or he’ll keep calling me for advices. I’m busy enough as it is. Ha.. So even if I ever ever have a boyfriend, my guy friends are still very impt to me, and I will still go out with them and help them out in anything and talk to them even late at night. Guy friends and gal friends, they’re both friends. So, cannot be bias lehz… ^_^

Anyway.. MJ is leaving, and he’s too busy to see me. Bah. Dreamt last night that James is leaving too. Sianz! Everyone’s leaving. KL may be going back to M’sia too. Sighx. Guess I’m upset that everyone’s starting to go away. Now I have Tuesday blues. Bah… But it’s ok. I’m a MUAH CHEE k. And the attributes of Muah chee is to stick to a person. Once you accidentally stepped on it, it’ll stick to you forever. Muahahaha.. So regardless of where you are, I will stick to you. Ok. I’ll go find MJ later. Go and stalk him. Boo!

Being PUNCTUAL

Today’s a really really long day. Last night was up chatting on the phone till 5.30am in the morn, and woke up at 8plus to go office in the morn. Phew. But, I’m early today! In fact, I was very on time. KL and Annie were both late meeting me. Muahaha… My Mr Morning Call really helped. It’s been some time since I was really on time.

I thought the on time streak will last me for the rest of the day, but it seems like my subconscious for being late isn’t so easily gotten rid of. Though I was early in the morning, we didn’t get to do our follow up at 10am as planned. Then all of a sudden, I have an iris consultation at 1pm. *Stunned* I was dressed in my worst. Three quarter rugged jeans, non-existent makeup, aunty shirt. How to be iris analyst????? Plus I only had 2.5 hours of sleep last night, I’m like eh… How? Haha…. Probably I was too seh to be nervous or what, that the consultation went well. In the end closed some sales too~ *Claps claps* See. Even closed eyes also can close deal. Muahahhaa… I’m crazy. Haven’t been sleeping much.

Anyway, because KL’s friend was late for the consultation, I only finished at 3plus. And my tuition at hougang was 4pm! Rushed all the way to MRT to take train to Yio Chu Kang. Had to ask Annie to be my split body to go to SMU to get my form for I grade and submit it, otherwise I think Kevin Steppe is gonna split my body up. Ha! By the time I reached YCK, it was already 4.15pm, and I happen to see 72 passing by as I reach the interchange. So, being the clever me, I raised my hands and… stop a cab! Ok, it was already stationed there. Within 15 minutes, I reached my tuition place. Phew. Luckily not too late.

This time I’m more time conscious. Timing myself and my student, I finished my tuition exactly at 6pm. And headed off to the next destination. Tuition in Serangoon!

It’s actually quite convenient to go in between the two places with bus 156. I reached exactly on time at 7pm, and started my tuition. Ha! Who says I’m always late. Finally at 8.30pm my tuition ended. This time a sense of accomplishment fills me. Not only did I manage to make my noisy student listen to me, yet not be fierce to her and ensure that she understands whatever taught, I finished all these on time! Muahahhaa… But as I turn my head, I realise her mum is right.. NEXT TO ME! Got a shock of my life. I was too absorbed in teaching that I didn’t realise her parents are back and that her mum was standing next to me waiting for me to acknowledge her. Opps. But coz her mum was there, I had to do customer service and chat with her on the progress of my student. In the end, got offered to increase my pay and increase the intensity of the tuition and add one more subject. Wow. Customer service is really… Important.

But then, that also means I’m LATE for my next appointment! Supposed to meet Will at his place at 9pm to go back to my place to do my FYP. But by the time I reached, it was 9.30pm. By the time I called him to come down, it was 9.40pm. 40minutes behind schedule. Grrrr…. How to be on time??? It seems really difficult. But at least today was really an efficient day and more on time than ever before. By the time Will finished helping me with my project, while I entertain him, it’s already nearing 2am. Tired. I need sleep!!! Tmr I’m gonna do my project, find MJ (wherever he is) to do something meaningful and rest.

I MISS MJ EVEN BEFORE HE’S LEAVING.

*sobx* What is life without MJ? Nearly went into tears today while having breakfast with KL and Annie. I can’t imagine life without MJ. *Monday MJ blues*

Just to share a poem I wrote because I couldn’t sleep while I was at family chalet a week ago

The heaviness of the eyes,
the flipping and turning.
Lying at the side of another,
Thoughts running wild.
The loneliness of the night,
The distance between us,
The memories that seem so long before,
The insecurity that makes the soul uptight.
Who is he, that’ll make me at peace,
Falling in love all over again.
Afraid am I, yet here I yearn.
Will he come for me and put my soul at ease?
No more shall I wait for happyness shall be earned.

Don’t think too much. I wrote this coz I was feeling nervous and restless that night. Everyone was asleep other than me. and… I was lying at the side of my BROTHER larz.. *Knocks* Stop thinking too much. Haha… Oh, and Happyness came from Pursuit of Happyness.

Talking about Pursuit of Happyness, I really must must recommend this book. I had watch the movie some time ago with peepz of GSS, and find it a really great movie. After that, I borrowed the book from KL and started reading. It’s really very inspiring. Reading it makes me feel that one is never too lousy to succeed, and no matter what you had done before, it is in the past. It is the present that matters, and your past just steers you to greater heights with the motivations it give you.

凡事发生必有其目的, 其结果必有利于我

I almost forgot about this saying until James reminded me a few nights ago. Whatever things that happen, be it good or bad, comes so that something good results in the future. ^_^

I’m so tired I can’t think anymore nor even write. That's it for now. NiteZ~

**This is the most error proned entry I've ever written. Edited like so many times!

Complains and more complains

I am so frustrated today. One thing, I understand how difficult it is to be a full time tutor. Ha! It’s really difficult to teach when the kid is not listening, and the parents are so stringent, and the pay is low! Bah…. Ok. That’s only that one student, coz I promised wanlin to take over. Sigh. $170 for 8 sessions for Pri 6, and difficult to teach. *Frustrated* If more money, at least the frustration is worth it. And I think I’m frustrated because I don’t like being nasty to kids, yet I am expected to make the kid shut up and do her work. *FRUSTRATED* Kids are born not to be manipulated into whatever direction we want them to be. They are supposed to live to be their truest self! It’s because there are so many kids who are made to shut up that they have so many problems when they grow up. That’s why there’re so many social issues. Ok. Maybe I’m just voicing out what I felt when I was young. *Sigh*

2nd thing, it’s irritating when guys DON’T reply. And, it’s even more frustrating when 3 guys don’t reply. What’s wrong with men nowadays? *FRUSTRATED* Blahx. Ok. I admit that sometimes I take a long time to reply msgs, coz I was busy. But I was really busy, then what you want me to say? Is it so wrong to say that I was busy so I couldn’t reply the msg and replied it late? *Grrr.. No offense. I'm just in a bad mood.

But there are things to be happy about la. Like Pan just asked me to take over her students if possible, and they sound nice and easy to teach. And the pay is better. Hehe... And, yesterday I met Lixiang’s friend who works in Achieve, a recruitment agency. After chatting with him for some time, I realize he’s a really nice guy. He talks well and quite gentlemanly. Even sent me home! Haha.. when we only met on the MRT. Ok, he lives just a few blocks away. Anyway, he offered to help me get a job at Achieve, coz I was rather interested in the front line like being a Recruitor. But that’ll prob need some time, after I’ve settled down my tuition kids, my final year project and things at WBG. Probably a few months bah, after MJ is back. But talking about MJ, his tuition kid is really.. VERY CUTE!!! At 12 years old, he's petite and quiet, and very hardworking. Can't help doting on him. ^_^

And as I’m blogging, all of a sudden, so many people are looking for me. Ha.. Need to return Martin’s call tmr, or he’ll definitely kill me or tell me again that when my house is on fire, I’ll die by the time you answer. Haha.. Ok. My frustration is down already. ^_^

A Tribute To JJ Part I

My dog JJ just passed away last night. Before that she was still very lively and happy. I really shouldn't have anyhow write things about car accidents. She got ran over by a car yesterday just downstairs my place last night around 10pm. I'd been on the phone with KL discussing about the cashflow event when I suddenly heard my brother being very upset and breaking down. I rushed out, and realize my dog was in an accident...

I ran all the way down, only to see poor JJ lying in the middle of the road, with her tongue sticking out. She's dead... Poor Weiyang was so hysterical... He saw her dying and was in a trauma and ran all the way home to find us to help her. But she was dead. It's so upsetting to think about her now, especially the way she lay when she died. We didn't even see her before she dies... She must have felt so scared and lonely...

We couldn't do anything. My brothers don't believe she's dead, so we rushed JJ to the vet hospital in Serangoon. I carried her all the way there, for a few hours, waiting for the vet. But... she's already dead. We can only say good bye to her, and send her for cremation. I really miss her a lot...

When we see things or people around us, we normally don't appreciate them as much. Only when we lose them, do we feel a loss of direction, a loss of belonging. JJ was like our family mascot, and was everywhere we were. She was with us in Chinese New Year visitings, family gatherings, outings to Sentosa. At home, she was everywhere, sometimes in my room, sometimes in my brothers', sometimes in my parents... She'd patrol the whole house when she's at home, and greet us happily when we're back. She's always so lively and happy, and never a chore. Before she came into our lives, we had always been quarelling at home. After she came, she was like a baby princess to all of us. Everyone doted on her, and our relationship also improved tremendously. We always had JJ to look forward to when we go home, she would pounce around so happily when she sees us. I can't imagine a life without JJ... Until now, I'll still expect to see her pouncing around as if nothing had happened...

We all love you JJ, and forever will.

I pray that God will take good care of you, and you'll live happily without the dangers of cars in Heaven so you can pounce wherever you want to.